Want to Feel Better as You Age?
For too long, aging has been framed as something women should fear, fight, or fix. But here at The Sunday Paper, we’re on a mission to radically reframe the way we think about aging.
Mindy Pelz, DC, is with us. In her latest book, Age Like a Girl, she makes the case that aging isn’t a slow decline, but rather an evolutionary upgrade. She says that with the right habits and mindset, women can feel more grounded, inspired, and confident with every birthday.
We sat down with Dr. Pelz to find out how writing this book reshaped her old ideas about the aging process, the one myth about aging she wants all women to stop believing, and the little habits that really do move the needle when it comes to aging with power and grace. She also offers a love letter to any woman feeling discouraged by the aging process. Her advice is sure to help all of us tune out the noise of our anti-aging culture and tune in to ourselves so we can age boldly and truly embrace the next chapter of our lives.
A CONVERSATION WITH DR. MINDY PELZ
How have you reframed the way you think about aging after writing this book?
This book was a 10-year project that began with the patients in my clinic. I started to see a trend among women in their mid to late forties who were coming in saying the same thing: “My husband’s amazing. My kids are amazing. My life’s amazing. And all I want to do is kill myself.” I started hearing suicidal ideation. Other patients would say, “I’m depressed,” or “I’m not motivated to work out anymore.” I started to investigate the neurochemical changes that happen in women in midlife and I had the biggest aha. Menopause isn’t just a sex hormone issue. You’re not just losing three sex hormones; you’re seeing a complete change to more than twelve neurochemicals.
In trying to help my patients, what I discovered is that there is this massive neurochemical upgrade going on. We’re meant to not be people pleasers anymore. We’re meant to finally speak our truth. Menopause is a wake-up moment—a moment for women to stand in their power. It’s a time to address the rage, to address the depression, to address why you’re scared to let the wrinkles fall on your face.
As I was discovering all of this, I started doing things differently in my life. I started speaking my truth when I probably would have held back. I looked at my marriage and named some things that weren’t working for me anymore. The 56-year-old Mindy is new and improved compared to the 46-year-old Mindy! I put myself first above everything. I refuse to betray myself anymore.
What are some of those neurochemicals that should be on our radar as we age?
When I started asking questions—“Why is decreasing estrogen causing women to be depressed?” “Why do these type A, athletic, thriving-in-their-careers women losing their motivation at midlife?”—I discovered the connection between estrogen and dopamine, which is the molecule of motivation. When estrogen goes down, dopamine goes down too, and this is when you hear women saying things like, “I feel flat. I don’t feel like doing things that used to bring me joy. I don’t feel motivated to work out.”
We’re hearing a lot of about muscle and protein and the importance of lifting weights, but I feel like we need to step back a moment and remember that in midlife, you’re dealing with a dopamine depleted woman. How are we going to get her inspired to get to the gym so that she’s motivated to lift the weights?
Great question. How?
We have to get women loving and respecting their own bodies.
Women have been taught to outsource how we feel about our bodies to everybody else. We have outsourced our worth in this patriarchal culture. I believe we’ve got to help women come back to their bodies.
One of the things I’m the most proud of in my new book is that I’m trying to show women how powerful they are, and how the female body is always working for you. If you could fall back in love with how magical you are, then you would want to go and lift weights.
How do you fall in love with yourself repeatedly?
I’m insanely curious about the human body, so I learn as much as I can. When we understand how magical our bodies are, it can really help.
I also think a lot about what happens when a woman looks in the mirror. Women, in general, have been trained to see the parts of our bodies that we do not like. We find the flaws. And when you do that, you start telling yourself, Why can’t I get the belly to go down? Why am I wrinkling?
What I recommend is this: When you look in the mirror, the first thing I want you to do is find one thing you love about yourself. Every woman can do this. Maybe it’s your hair, maybe it’s your posture. It doesn’t always have to be the things that we say are beautiful. Go and look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself something you love—even if it’s just one thing.
Getting women to fall back in love with their bodies is going to allow the lifestyle changes to become effortless, because women don’t need motivation to be healthy. They need momentum, and the momentum starts with self-talk.
Women’s health is having a long-overdue moment. How does your new book fit into this shift we’re seeing toward more female-specific research and care?
I want this book to give women hope. Menopause is a transitional moment where we finally get to live life on our terms. In Age Like a Girl, I show you how the brain rewires itself and how these neurochemicals change so you can change—so your lifestyle can change.
After all the research that I’ve done—and there are over 450 peer reviewed citations in my book—I am more convinced than ever that the one human who could change the world in a heartbeat is the postmenopausal woman.
The postmenopausal brain was built for leadership. Look at what Maria is doing. Look at what Jane Fonda and Michelle Obama are doing. This book has a philosophical piece to it. Menopause went from being a cultural hush to a cultural chaos. What’s happening is that we can feel like a victim to the process. And when we as women feel like victims, we outsource our healing. My book says, You’re not a victim to this transition. But don’t fall asleep, because the person you’re going to become? She is going to be the one you’re the most proud of.
What’s the biggest myth women believe about aging, and the truth you want more of us to know?
The biggest myth is that you’re going to become invisible. You’re not becoming invisible. If you understand this moment and you stand in your own power and you get rid of the things that no longer serve you, you will not become invisible. I promise you, your brain is rewiring itself for leadership and for better cognition. You’re about to enter the most powerful time of your life. This is the time to become uniquely yourself. You’re not meant to be a copycat of anybody else. You’re meant to come back home to your voice, speak your truth, and speak it boldly.
If you were to write a love letter to a woman who is bummed out by the aging process, what would you say to her?
You are not a victim to the experience of aging. You just haven’t been taught how powerful your female body is. It’s time to start to have a relationship with your body—to understand your body and love your body. Aging is such a gift. Watch the women ahead of you—women like Maria and Jane Fonda and Michelle Obama. When you see what they’re capable of, you will never fear the aging process again.
The world is waiting for you to finally be the most profoundly authentic version of you.
How can we rise above the noise of all the anti-aging and menopause-is-terrible rhetoric that’s out there?
Be really careful who you let in. That means the people you hang around, the news channels you’re listening to, the social media influencers you follow. One of the things I say all the time to those who follow me is this: I don’t want to be a guru. Don’t give me your power. You take your power. You take what you love that I say and use it. Use the information I provide to step into your power, not put me on a pedestal.
I think we have to be careful of this as women, specifically, because we’ve been trained to outsource our thoughts. We can outsource our thoughts to a news station, to a politician, to a best friend who tells us menopause is going to be horrible. And then we start thinking and believing it’s horrible. Surround yourself with a group of cheerleaders.
I write in my book that there are three people you need to hang around. The butterflies, who are women who’ve been through the fire, been in the chrysalis, and birthed themselves. The potentialists, who are the women that see your potential when you can’t see it. And the anchors, who are the women who sit next to you and will let you cry and moan, but then will pick you up and move you forward. We need to create that kind of circle for ourselves as we age.
Dr. Mindy Pelz is a New York Times bestselling author, leading voice in women’s health, and host of the hit podcast The Resetter Podcast with Dr. Mindy.
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