Pull Up a Chair

By Maria Shriver
July 05, 2025

How was your Fourth of July holiday?

It feels almost impossible to even ask that question in light of the devastating news out of Texas this weekend.

Like many of you, my heart has been heavy. The tragedy unfolding in Central Texas—the flooding, the dozens killed, the many still missing—has left so many of us feeling shaken. My spirit felt especially crushed by the story of the girls missing from Camp Mystic. I can’t begin to imagine what it would be like to send your child off to camp and wake up to such heartbreaking news. My heart is with the families still waiting for answers, and with those grieving the sudden, unimaginable loss of a loved one.

In the midst of all of this, it can feel disorienting to return to the everyday rhythms of life. But still, I find myself wanting to check in with you this morning. How are you doing today, and how did you spend your holiday weekend? Did you gather with anyone? Did it go as planned?

Did you travel or stay put? Sometimes—actually, oftentimes—staying put is exactly what the body and the mind need so that they can rest, replenish, and recharge.

Maybe your holiday didn’t go as planned. Maybe someone you wanted to show up for your cookout didn’t make it, and that hurt your feelings. Or maybe the wrong people showed up, and things went awry. Maybe you didn’t get a break at all. Maybe you were caring for a loved one around the clock. Maybe you’re struggling with your own independence, so the idea of celebrating the nation’s independence feels off-message. Maybe you’re struggling with the country as it is today and didn’t feel like celebrating much at all. Maybe you’re simply struggling—with all of it.

I feel you.

I know it’s a hard time for a whole lot of folks of all ages, and I know that it’s going to get harder for those who are about to lose their healthcare, their home health aide, or the food they relied on from a specific government program. Meanwhile, young people who’ve just graduated are struggling to find that perfect job—or really any job at all. Artificial intelligence has already disrupted the job market, with more of that to come. Meanwhile, parents of young children are grappling with how to fill their kids’ days now that school is out. Camp is too expensive for many, leaving families wondering how to make it work. Lots of my friends who are grandparents say they’re being called in to help. Others cobble together groups of friends and neighbors to get through the days. I know. It can all feel like too much.

It’s in moments like these—when everything feels heavy and out of balance—that I find myself thinking about how we define a good life. So might I suggest something? Pull up a chair to my table, and let’s take a moment to talk about something that’s been on my mind. It may seem slightly off-topic, but it feels deeply relevant to me. What I’ve been contemplating lately is the definition of success and what it really means.

Lately, I’ve had so many conversations with all kinds of people reflecting on success—theirs and others’. They say they’re inundated by images of what success is supposed to look like. They speak about the pressure to be more successful than they currently feel. And yet, when I ask, “But what does success mean to you?” very few can actually answer.

One friend who owns a very successful bookstore told me she wants to scale it up. I asked, “Scale it up to what?” She paused. “Good question.” Another friend, who recently launched a business, talked about the pressure to make it successful. When I asked what would make her feel like she and the business were truly successful, she wasn’t clear.

Young adults sit around my table, feeling overwhelmed by the pressure to keep up with so-called successful people. It all feels so far out of reach. Then they wonder: What is within my reach?

Today, we are inundated with superficial images of success—out-of-control weddings, luxury vacations, endless material possessions. We’re told stories of influencers with millions of followers and massive incomes. But is it all true? What do these so-called influencers really have in the bank? What’s a fantasy? What’s a mirage? What’s real? Are they the new face of success? Do they feel successful? What does success even feel like today? Is it fleeting? Is it internal? Are those who flash their success truly happier? I wonder.

Before I went out on my book tour this spring, I wrote down what success would feel like to me. I wrote: I’ll know it when I feel it in the room. I’ll have deep, meaningful conversations with people about their heartbreak, their healing, and their journeys home to themselves. I’ll feel full. That is when I’ll know I’ve been successful.

I used to think success was a specific accomplishment, but I’ve come to understand it as a feeling of contentment, of peace, of knowing I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. I often speak to my kids about what constitutes a successful life. I remind them of the importance of their faith, their family, their circle of friends—and that having those in alignment is, in fact, success. I remind them to keep their feet firmly planted in the ground (and on it) and to surround themselves with people who will tell them if they begin to lose their way. I speak to them about feeling good about where they actually are in life and about managing their wants so they don’t allow some future desire make them miss out on the present moment.

I often ask myself: What does it mean to have a successful family? A successful relationship? A successful business? A successful publication? I think a lot about the question: What is enough? When does scaling up get in the way of appreciating what you’ve already built?

I don’t have the answer to what makes you feel successful, but I do think we need to talk more at our tables about the pressure we place on ourselves as we try to compete with a false god or an illusion.

If someone gives up their job to care for another, are they not successful? If one retires, are they no longer successful? If someone has a job that will never land them on the cover of a magazine, are they not successful? If someone is content with having less, or simply content with their life as it is, are they not successful?

I think it’s time to radically reframe success. It’s time to make it broader, more inclusive, deeper, wider, more inviting, more human, more real, more attainable.

Several years ago, I remember interviewing Stephen Covey when he published the book The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People. He followed it up with The 7 Habits of Highly Successful Families. I just recently reordered a copy, because now, as a grandmother, I’d like to update my own version of success. I’ve been thinking that it’s time to update my family’s definition of success as well. I also want to incorporate my son-in-law and my soon to be daughter-in-law into this discussion. As I sat at my Fourth of July table, I gave thanks that three of my kids and their friends and partners chose to join me. That felt like success.

Making time—making room to come together—feels like a big part of my vision and mission statement, as does prioritizing my health so my family doesn’t worry. So does seeing myself as a hopeful, loving person.

The truth is that we all have our own unique success stories, as do our children, our siblings, and our friends. But thinking about our wants and needs, thinking about what is enough and adjusting our definition of ambition and our visions to the present day …well, that seems like a good exercise for this moment in time.

Or at least that’s what I’ve been thinking. We seem to all have an opinion about the vision and the mission of our country. Maybe it’s important to have a mission and vision for ourselves and our families at the same time.

We all have our own unique success stories. Mine is very different than I thought it would be. Pull up a chair, and tell me yours.