This Conversation Will Change the Way You Think About Aging
Dr. Kerry Burnight, a gerontologist and bestselling author of Joyspan: The Art and Science of Thriving in Life’s Second Half, fields the same question often:
What’s Betty’s secret?
Betty is her 96-year-old mom who is as sharp as ever, lives on her own, loves to belly-laugh, and is fun to be around. As Dr. Burnight puts it: “Family, neighbors—even strangers—can’t get enough of her.”
So, how is Betty thriving in her 90s? What’s her secret?
The Sunday Paper asked Dr. Burnight to sit down with her mom to get the answers straight from Betty herself. Their conversation is one that’ll warm your heart, make you laugh, and give you invaluable insights on longevity, resilience, and the secrets to living a full and meaningful life.
For those who are interested in Dr. Burnight’s bestselling book, Joyspan, here’s an exclusive excerpt:
Betty was an only child. Throughout her life she longed for a sibling and envied the closeness of sisters. She imagined sharing secrets and clothes and having someone to lean on throughout life.
In college, she found what she had been searching for in Lynn. The two became inseparable and Lynn became the sister my mother had always wanted. Betty and Lynn each married, and they both had three children, whom they raised side by side. The friends shared bake sales, college send-offs, children’s weddings, and parents’ funerals. They were similar in most ways.
One small difference between them became deeply significant over time. Betty was mindful of daily health decisions—nothing extreme, just thoughtful. Lynn, on the other hand, opted for whatever was easiest. She skipped workouts, ate processed food, favored Cokes to water, and didn’t bother with regular doctor checkups or dental cleanings.
Betty is not a health fanatic. She loves a slice of pie or the occasional dry martini. But she is vigilant about certain habits. She stretches each morning, cooks healthy meals, takes daily walks, slathers on sunscreen, and keeps up with dental and medical appointments. Lynn felt like life was too short to fuss over such things. If she wanted dessert, she’d eat the whole slice, and probably a second. Sunscreen, water intake, exercise, and doctor appointments weren’t a priority.
She’d chide Betty, saying, “Aw common, live a little. You really think one more little whatever (cola, slice of cake, cigarette) matters?”
For many years, the differences in their habits didn’t seem to be significant. They were both healthy and happy, and to me “Aunt Lynn” seemed cooler as a result of her relaxed approach.
By the time Betty and Lynn reached their sixties, small differences began to emerge, almost imperceptibly at first. Betty’s energy remained steady—she still walked most mornings, stayed active in her garden, and looked forward to tennis with her friends. She wasn’t without her share of aches and pains, but she managed them and stuck to her routines.
Lynn, on the other hand, started to slow down in her sixties. A nagging stiffness in her joints turned into chronic pain. Her energy waned, until getting up off the couch or going to the grocery store felt exhausting. “I just need to rest more,” she’d say when Betty invited her out. Lynn’s body was catching up with her choices.
For both Betty and Lynn, the little things accumulated over time—to the benefit of Betty and the detriment of Lynn. When they reached their late seventies, Lynn could no longer walk or transfer from her chair to her bed or to the restroom, and she required fulltime care. Lynn passed away shortly after her eightieth birthday.
Although her lifespan was eighty years, her healthspan was seventy years. On the other hand, Betty is now ninety-six and still going strong.
But what about their joyspans?
Lynn’s joyspan was shorter than Betty’s. Lynn’s joyspan was around seventy-two years as compared to ninety-six years and counting for Betty. Lynn’s reduced healthspan impacted her joyspan in the final years of her life, as she lived with a great deal of pain and shortness of breath.
Dr. Kerry Burnight—“America’s Gerontologist”—is leading a rebellion against fear-based aging. Learn more drkerryburnight.com.
Excerpted from Joyspan by Dr Kerry Burnight, © 2025. Used with permission from Worthy Books, a division of Hachette Book Group, Inc.
Answer
When it's 9 o'clock, adding five hours makes it 2 o'clock.
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