11 Ways to Tap into Your Vulnerability, Heal Old Wounds, and Thrive

Vulnerability is a key pillar to spiritual enlightenment. It is the opening of the heart to its purest essence, where we can better see and understand the suffering of ourselves, as well as others. This enables us to both find healing and become healers: two essential components on our journey to self-realization. And it is in this awareness that we are led to our inner light and our purest essence.

Vulnerability is the sacred portal to the Maker: a holy pilgrimage for our soul.

But this sacred pilgrimage can also be challenging because we must swim beyond the shallow waters and find our way into the deeper terrains of emotion. This can make things feel more raw, heightened, even naked. In this nakedness of being, our feelings and senses are more intensified. We may feel uneasy. We may also feel lost, hurt, or confused until we find our way through the twists and turns, and the healings and awakenings, that vulnerability presents to us.

Here, we will explore the many complex sides of vulnerability and better understand why it is truly one of the greatest gifts we have been given.

The Misguided Myths

The expression of vulnerability hasn’t truly been embraced in our culture. We may have been called “crybabies” as children, or told to “stop crying,” as if it were something to be ashamed of. Men have often been told that they weren’t supposed to cry because it was a sign of weakness. And, in cultures like mine, women were told to hide their emotions and simply “bear it.”

In addition, it seems that in modern culture we always have to be “on” and say we’re “doing great,” even if this is not the case. Truth is, it is scary for most of us to bear our soul, for we also fear being shunned, or judged. We have an old saying in Iran that speaks of how when we are happy, good friends are all around us, but when we’re down and depressed, many of those same friends disappear.

For these reasons and more, it’s no wonder that we find it so easy to shut off from the world, to not be open to deep love or the pain of growth, and to distance ourselves from it all. But this is a disservice to ourselves, to one another, and to our world. When we distance ourselves or hide our true emotions, we think this is strength. But actually, this is merely a popular illusion of strength. Real strength is embracing our vulnerability and saying, I know that the road may be winding and I may fall, but I know it will lead me to an oasis. This is strength; this is courage; the allowance and embracing of vulnerability.

So, you see, contrary to popular belief, our biggest strength is our vulnerability. It is how we can best honor our mission, serve our world, and strengthen our faith. Strength is about that which builds us up to become more whole. And as an evolving society, my hope is that we get to a point where, when we see someone crying, instead of asking, “What is wrong with you?” we might ask instead, “What is awakening inside of you?”                        

Transformations

Imagine a caterpillar. He wants and desires to become a butterfly. That is his journey, his purpose, in this life. And once he transforms, he will fly and explore, drinking of the sweetness and fragrance of all that is. Butterflies beautify nature and inspire us, because in their vulnerability as a caterpillar, they awaken to who they truly are. And yet, they have to go through the process of transformation that starts with vulnerability, as a worm: slow-moving, vulnerable to attacks, fully subjected to the elements until, at last, they are free.

Similarly, a bird knows there are dangers inherent to flight that make her vulnerable. But to avoid these risks would mean denying her most authentic expression—that which allows her to survive and thrive in the world. This vulnerability allows the exploration of self-realization, because to assume the open position of flight, you have to open yourself up to danger. Conversely, a clam stays in her shell, experiencing less chance of danger, but a greater likelihood of stagnation.

There is much we can learn from observing nature. Now, let’s look at some common scenarios in our own lives where vulnerability can lead to transformation.             

The Reasons and the Seasons

Why do we become vulnerable? Can it be avoided? Is it necessary for our growth?

Vulnerability can occur at various times and seasons in our lives and for different reasons. I have found that there are two basic approaches we can take when it comes to vulnerability. We can Allow It In or Seek It Out. Let’s look at how each approach might work:

Allow It In

To allow vulnerability in is to embrace it when the heart has awakened to feelings of pain, sadness, betrayal, or grief, or when we feel more raw and depleted in our reserve. Here are a few instances:

Something New

Life changes with work, school, or home can create feelings of vulnerability, because these aspects can represent a radical shift from that which we are comfortable with. College graduates, for example, can feel vulnerable, as they are thrown into a more complex and less predictable world of work and bills after living in a more sheltered college setting. They don’t know how they will adjust to new conditions and routines, or how they will feel outside of their safety net. They each have to find their own pace and adjust to this new change of lifestyle and position. In time, they will become comfortable.

Running on Empty

Many experience vulnerability after a long period of feeling pressure, stress, or overwhelm. In time, the stressed-out soul and body become more depleted, until activities slowly and inevitably come to a halt, once you realize that you just cannot push so hard anymore. Some people fight this and continue pushing, which only hastens the inevitable burnout. What is needed at this time is to honor our being, to step back and nurture ourselves until we can slowly ease into healing.

Social Uncertainty

Sometimes unexpected things happen that uproot our entire community, country, or world. Natural disasters like hurricanes, earthquakes, or fires, tragedies centered around mass violence or war, and public or political unrest, are all unsettling or even devastating events that create a sense of immense vulnerability.

And then in 2020 we had the global pandemic of COVID-19, which made each country and person feel vulnerable as lives were radically changed overnight. We all felt that the ground underneath our feet had suddenly shifted, not knowing what lay ahead in the next days or weeks. This vulnerability, although initially difficult, led many to find their deeper truths, and understand better what they truly wished for after the pandemic.

“Emotional” Heart Attacks

Somewhere along our life’s journey, we feel other more pronounced types of pain in the form of major disappointments, heartache, betrayal, loss, and sometimes just the realities of life itself. We actually feel this pain in our heart center—our heart chakra—and it can feel like our heart is literally breaking. And just as a heart attack is a warning of our physiology, a “break of the heart” is an attack of our emotional center on our soul, and a turbulent awakening of heightened vulnerability.

Sometimes, it isn’t until years after these “heart attacks” that we find the ability to go back to heal or resolve them. It is in this space of rawness that we slowly understand, gain insight, forgive, and find clarity, before coming into new realizations and awareness. Vulnerability is the transition process from pain to acceptance, from confusion to clarity, from fragility to empowerment, from uncertainty to assurance, and from not seeing our inner light to embracing it.                

Seek It Out

This is a more proactive form of vulnerability that we consciously implement as part of our desire for self-realization. In addition to the various contemplative and reflective practices, it can often involve “bringing out the skeletons” and confronting aspects of ourselves that are uncomfortable. This process invariably conjures up feelings of exposure and vulnerability. Here are a few examples:

Deep Spiritual Practice

For those who are in spiritual practices and want to become more awakened, there is often a need to delve deeper into the various layers that have been weighing heavy upon their souls, in order to find deeper connection with Source. In a way, we have to first feel lost in order to find ourselves. This requires honesty and openness. Here, through meditation, prayer, mantra work, reflection, reading poetry, listening to soulful music, or spending time in nature, a stirring awakens our heart into feeling more vulnerable, as we come face-to-face with our purist emotions. We go deeply into them to understand, release, and ultimately embrace the lessons and teachings, thus furthering our spiritual evolution and transformation.

Therapy/Self-Help

Those who choose therapy or other self-help practices usually embrace a process of time and discovery, thus uncovering the deep wounds and scars so they may heal. At first, this creates much uneasiness, as the process involves going into their history, stories, and all things buried. Facing the realities of one’s self and life is an act of courage, and embracing vulnerability is an act of strength to these seekers. In time, their reward is beyond measure, for through this journey of baring their heart and soul, they experience the gift of healing and become more whole.

Exploring the Big Questions

Vulnerability is not always about painful emotions and heartache. It can also be the result of the soul yearning to open itself to a higher awareness. In this case, we may come to a point in our evolution where we question our existence, our purpose, and the Universe. In this questioning, we yearn to discover more about who we are, as well as our connection to Source. Our soul’s thirst is quenched only by drinking more and more from the various wisdom traditions. In this quest for meaning and insight, we feel the stirrings of our soul asking us to go deeper.

Close to eight months after my mother’s earthly departure, I felt a deep yearning to dive into theology and world religions, and just to sit with God. In the previous years, care for my mom had consumed my life. Now, I lengthened my practice daily and so loved my hours of being with the Beloved and all the wisdom teachings of great masters. I would watch nature videos or study cultures who lived in rural settings. The slow pace of their life was a mirror to mine as I felt no rush. I was just enjoying and embracing the moments. And a season after, I felt deep awakenings that so stirred my soul. I had found diamonds in the rust ... water in the desert, quenching my thirst.

The Art and Soul of Vulnerability

Besides coping with difficulties and embracing personal growth, vulnerability is key in the mindful pursuit of our life path. Our work or mission calls the heart to awaken to something that is beyond just the self. We yearn to contribute to the greater good, and this often requires us to embrace vulnerability so that our hearts can “break open” from the purest space within us.

Imagine a memorable painting, piece of music, or poem, and what it might take to create such a great work. Clearly, the artist or composer would need to access the space of an “open heart.” In this way, vulnerability serves as a platform for creativity, as this openness enables the artist to “step out on the ledge” and

fearlessly manifest their new visions. This is the essence of virtually any form of impactful creative expression.

And yet, the artist is always taking a risk in this creative act, never knowing what might stream into their heart during this open, free-flowing process, or what kind of imprint their new work might leave in their life. And, of course, there is always a risk with how their work will inevitably be received by the public. Such are the challenges we all face, in one way or another, with most any mission-based path we may choose.

Many healers, intuits, and people of faith make it a consistent practice to embrace vulnerability. They have learned to make it their strength, for it enables their hearts to see and feel the various emotions and plights of others. This grants them an uncommon level of empathy and compassion. And it is in embracing this vulnerability that they sit in solitude, communion, and prayer to connect deeper to Source and remain receptive and open. This openness guides them to become better teachers and healers.

This vulnerability can also bring about an unusual degree of strength and courage in the master teacher. The prophet Imam Ali always prayed in a quiet space of sacredness, even on his final night when he knew he was in danger. As his enemies plotted to kill him, he allowed himself to remain vulnerable, never deterring from his mission or path.

Exercises for Vulnerability

No matter where you are in your journey, you cannot reach that coveted moment of awakening without first embracing the uncomfortable nature of vulnerability. Here are some exercises and ongoing practices that will support you in this process:

·       Give yourself additional time in the morning, afternoon, and evening to do your chores or tasks. Do not overwhelm yourself with the pressure of speed or rigid deadlines. Ease into things.

• Allow your body to rest more each day. Go to bed earlier and, if possible, take a nap during the day.
• Give yourself thirty minutes a day to sit in quiet somewhere that’s relaxing and beautiful, like a garden or a park. Spend time in nature, take walks, go near the water, or enjoy a picnic. If you’re at home, listen to something healing, such as meditative music, nature sounds (such as waterfall soundscapes), bamboo flute, or Tibetan bowls. Try to empty all thoughts and just be.
• If you want to access this “raw space” within you, listen to music that evokes deep emotion in you. Allow the tears. And if you prefer, journal or just let your body guide you to a creative expression.
• Stay away from situations, devices, or people that may overwhelm or stress you. You can simply tell them you are taking some “me” time.
• Do something you love each day just for you, whether it is going for a walk, listening to music, or cooking.
• Try to meditate each day. Start at five minutes. This will help you embrace silence. Sitting, walking, or candle or object meditation can all support you.
• Don’t judge yourself, but rather, be kind to yourself. Remember you are on a sacred pilgrimage.
• Read a book of poetry or on spirituality. This helps open you up to deeper emotions and higher-minded thinking.
• Stay positive; don’t give in to despair. Know that vulnerability is an act of courage and strength, and you will be rewarded for your efforts with priceless awakenings. With each tear, you will gain further wisdom.
• When in sacred space, see yourself as a beam of light, as part of the Divine Tapestry. Connect to this and to the sages and masters before you.

One of the most crucial distinctions we can make about vulnerability is that it is an invaluable strength and not a crippling weakness. It is an upward energy surge to the higher self, and to our connection to Source. In opening our hearts, we will see and experience the magical array of colors in this garden of life. For vulnerability is a gift to ourselves... an endless field of possibilities.

Mitra Rahbar was born into Iran’s rich traditions of mysticism and poetry. For the last four decades, she has served as a mystic, guide, healer, teacher, author and poet. Learn more here.