The Afterlife is Alive and Well
Taryn Delanie Smith’s heaven includes Whitney Houston concerts, all the animals, and maybe a traffic jam or two.
For three years, Delanie Smith has connected with millions of people missing loved ones through social media, where she posts heartfelt, poignant, and often hilarious videos as “Denise, heaven’s receptionist.” Dressed in a puffy robe, with a towel wrapped around her head and a pink razor headset, “Denise” welcomes people to the afterlife.
The idea began as a shower thought for Delanie Smith (“If I die in a chicken suit, am I stuck in a chicken suit for life?”) and grew into a creative project and community where strangers write to her about losing parents, children, and other loved ones.
Delanie Smith did not plan on becoming an authority on heaven, although she was, in fact, a receptionist at one point in time. She started the series in 2023, during her yearlong stint as Miss New York. At first, she worked from her tiny city apartment with her then-fiancé, now husband, and her Great Dane, Bruce, but the trio has since relocated to a 200-year-old possibly haunted house in upstate New York.
Denise’s posts are funny—check out the club with Princess Diana or the latest restaurant, “The Last Supper.” They are also pointed—oh, you shunned your son for being gay? No angel upgrade for you. Ditto for those who treated servers terribly. There is a special place in viewers’ hearts for Tammy, the gravelly-voiced guest star who really just wants to make Denise happy but enjoys a good haunting.
Then people started making requests, asking the character to check in on their child or parent. One family asked Denise to explain to their kids what growing up in heaven would be like for Sophie, a terminally ill 4-year-old child. The video welcoming Hayden Panettiere, who died of a drug overdose in August, was particularly heartbreaking and beautiful.
Delanie Smith has learned from those thousands of messages that grief is universal, and it is also evidence of the depth of human connection. The people who write to her may come from different backgrounds, religions, and generations, but they believe the people they love are still with them in some way.
That idea is at the heart of Delanie Smith's new “adult children’s” book, Welcome to the Afterlife, which brings Denise's irreverent, funny and comforting view of heaven to the page, from asking about the rainbow bridge for pets to confirming that the tiniest angels are never left alone.
From her home, with Bruce at her side, Smith talks about grief, love, Denise, and what she has learned from the people who have trusted her with their stories of loss.
A CONVERSATION WITH TARYN DELANIE SMITH
Anderson Cooper has a podcast about grief. Sara Bareilles has a “Good Grief” tour. Denise talking about heaven gets millions of views. Why do you think people are becoming more comfortable talking about death?
I think death is having a moment, maybe because it is the most unavoidable and surest part of our lives. It's also the fact that we are yearning to connect with each other in a real and deep and honest way, and grief is actually a really good way to do that because everybody knows grief or has carried someone else through grief, and most assuredly, we will all know grief at some point.
Why do you think people connected so strongly to Denise?
I made her a New Yorker because obviously I knew that if heaven was being run like the DMV, it would need to be run by a woman from New York. I've been saying for years and years and years that New Yorkers aren't nice, but they're kind, and that's exactly what Denise is, right? Like she tells you like it is, but you hope that your loved one is greeted by her and guided by her.
Denise also brings levity to something that feels so heavy and so difficult to sit with. No matter how much you've talked about death or grief or how evolved you are, it doesn't change the fact that when somebody is sitting across from you and they are freshly experiencing loss, there's no right or wrong thing to say. It’s just about sitting with it and sitting with people and being there.
How do you handle the emotional weight of hearing people's stories of loss?
I cry a lot. Like I cry all the time. I don’t think I'm a crybaby or that I'm sensitive because I think it's just totally normal and human when confronting this kind of material. I find that that helps. I totally let myself feel it with the person that's writing the email or the letter or the voice note.
I don't usually cry when I'm filming because for whatever reason in that moment, I'm being Denise, and Denise probably wouldn't cry. I cry the most while editing because people will often send photos, and I try to incorporate those at the end of the video and just seeing it all put together every single time undoes me to an extent, and I'm okay with that.
It’s the cost of being in community with other human beings. It's emotional work, and I'm really grateful to be part of it. It makes me feel like I'm part of something important and bigger than myself.
Who is the book’s audience?
I think anybody who's ever loved anybody. That's the whole concept of my heaven, of Denise's heaven. The whole concept is built on love and loving each other. I'm looking to comfort people and to make people smile. The book itself is all-ages friendly. I keep calling it an “adult children's” book because obviously it is dealing with death and heaven. But I would also say that like this is something you can safely read to or read with younger audiences, and that's okay too.
What surprised you about making these videos?
I had car keys in one video and people were like “OMG there cannot be traffic in heaven! This is really, really upsetting to me!” And I’m like – well, have you considered that there might be traffic in someone’s heaven? What if, in someone’s heaven, all they want to do is sit there with the sunroof open with the sun on their face and listen to a great song in traffic?
Do you plan to continue making Denise videos?TK
I think I can't imagine just taking her away. I get so many emails and calls, and then people come up to me in the street. I've obviously—I do tributes, but there are ones that I also send privately to people that never get shared, and they mean so much to them.
I'm always waiting for it to not mean so much to people anymore. It has been years now, and I certainly didn't realize how much it would continue to mean to people. Oftentimes my work is a response to people asking for Denise's take on something or to talk to someone they love. Ultimately, people are going to keep coming for Denise, and as long as they do, I'll try to make Denise videos.
You've said you don't want to be an authority on heaven. And yet, you have written a book on the afterlife.
I do not seek to be an authority on heaven, but if you're on my page or you're looking at my book, then you are opening yourself up to my opinion. I do think there's iced coffee in heaven. I think there's margaritas, and I do believe that there's a sunny spot that you can sit with your great grandma. Why not?
What has your work with Denise taught you about grief and love?
I think more than anything, it's just the thousands and thousands of people write in to me—some don’t even watch the content. They just wanted someone to talk to about a loss that they've had. One lesson is that grief touches everyone. Not to sound overly cliched, but it just reminds me that love is the most profound motivator of the human experience in so many ways.
It is incredible to me that no matter where you come from, what color you are, what you believe, and what your religion is, people are very willing and they want to believe the best in each other, and they want to believe that their loved ones are watching over them. And I believe they are.
If anything, this experience has taught me that you have to go as gently as you can with people in the world. I truly believe I'm a happier person since really embracing that as much as I can, because it just really opens you up to so many great things.
Taryn Delanie Smith was crowned Miss New York 2022 and named first runner-up in the Miss America 2023 competition. She is a content creator on TikTok, and her book, “Welcome to the Afterlife A No-Nonsense Tour for Those in Mourning or the Merely Curious” is set for release October 20.
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