We Are All Family

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I haven’t been doing as much thinking this week as I normally would. Instead, I’ve spent more time wandering and wondering, feeling and grieving, questioning and sobbing—all while still trying to spread and experience a little Christmas joy. Needless to say, it’s been a surreal week.

Life can be like that sometimes. It can feel both stunning and surreal. It can shake you to your core and still demand that you keep moving. One moment, your mind feels so rattled that you can’t think at all; the next, you find yourself laser-focused on helping someone who is struggling more than you. Throughout my life, I’ve learned that when you don’t know what to do next, helping someone else often helps you, too. Somehow, it eases your own pain, at least for a while. It gives you a sense of purpose when you feel helpless.

Lately, I’ve noticed how many people feel helpless right now. Last week while I was in Dallas, I met with Dr. Cheryl Jackson who runs Minnie’s Pantry —one of the largest food pantries in North Texas. Cheryl told me about the people who line up outside her organization at this time of year searching for food or help getting a gift for a child or grandchild. She also talked about serving elderly individuals who live on just $6,000 a year. Yes, that’s right—$6,000 for the entire year.

You might wonder, as I did, what’s on their Christmas list. When I asked, the answers were simple: a pair of socks, a dish towel, toilet paper, underwear, a gift for a grandchild. I thought about this and my conversation with Cheryl for a long time afterward. I kept thinking about how rarely we focus on the plight of the elderly in this country—people living on so little after giving so much and enduring so much. For many seniors in this country, this is their reality. Wow. Wow. Wow.

A few days after returning from Dallas, my world cracked open with the news of the murder of my dear friends Rob and Michele Reiner. Most of you have likely read or heard about it, as it has dominated the news this past week. I’ve heard countless rumors and untruths, but what I want to say here is simple: Rob and Michele were great people—loving, kind, smart, passionate, fun, loyal, and deeply patriotic people. They loved their friends, they loved their family, and they loved this country. They never stopped trying to do the right thing for their family—never, ever. I want you to know that.

Millions of families understand this story instinctively. They live this reality every day, loving someone who is battling multiple demons in a country that fails to support them as they face this level of complexity. While it’s not my place to discuss Rob and Michele’s specific situation, I know many families who are in similar agony. They are at their wits’ end with a system that consistently falls short.

Families struggle not only with addiction but, as mental health professionals describe it, with co-occurring disorders. Parents and caregivers face impossible choices because they lack the services and systems needed to keep people safe. We don’t have a system that prioritizes early intervention or prevention. We fail to provide the support so many families desperately need.

Judgment comes easily. It’s easy to say, “I’d handle it this way,” or “I’d do things differently.” But none of us truly knows how we would respond until we’re in that situation ourselves. That’s the truth. Life has taught me that lesson clearly. I know it with one thousand percent certainty.

As I grieve my friends and pray for them and their families, I keep asking myself: What can I do? What can all of us do to support one another? How can we support those who lost a child at the Brown University shooting, or those who lost loved ones at the Bondi Beach shooting? How can we support our Jewish friends who are living in fear right now? How can we show up for people surviving on $6,000 a year? How do we show up, step up, and speak up when we feel shaken to our core?

One place to start is by digging deep into our souls and tapping into the light within us. That light lives in you and in me. It draws us toward helping others and recognizing the good in them. People gravitate toward that light.

This Sunday, my son-in-law Chris Pratt writes about finding that light during his recent trip to the Vatican. I love his mission. I love what he has written. And I love him.

So what else can we do?

Well, for one, we can speak out when leaders behave in an undignified manner that is beneath us and beneath the greatness of our country. Leaders are supposed to bring us together. They are supposed to lead us all. Not just a few of us. All of us. They are supposed to reassure us when we are shaken. They are supposed to tap into their light, not their darkness. (And just for the record, they are not supposed to add their names to memorials already built and named for another president. Just saying.)

We can also support those working on the frontlines of humanity—people like Cheryl at Minnie’s Pantry and countless other architects of change who show up every day to move humanity forward. We can take our light and our bravery and use them to move humanity forward, because that reassures our children who are watching. It reassures our communities who are afraid. It reassures us that humanity is worth standing up for, fighting for, and saving.

Everywhere I go, I see good people doing their best in extraordinarily complicated situations. Rob and Michele were parents first and foremost. They loved their family deeply, and that love drove them to work tirelessly to make our country better for other families. They believed with their whole hearts that all of us—not some of us, but all of us—deserve to live in what they believed was the greatest country on earth. They were talented storytellers, activists, and advocates for others. And they understood firsthand the pain of parenting a child with co-occurring illnesses while still showing up for their other children.

You may remember the story of Virginia Senator Creigh Deeds whose son attacked him before taking his own life in 2013. This week we talked to Senator Deeds about what he’s learned in the 12 years since and what must change now. As I’ve said, millions of families in this country live with this gut-wrenching reality. That’s why I’m also sharing the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) organization with you today—in case you feel overwhelmed by the system, isolated, judged, or misunderstood. Rob and Michele would never want you to feel alone. They would want you to have access to support and services that might help

I’d now like to share the words of their kids, Jake and Romy, whom I’ve known since their birth: “Words cannot even begin to describe the unimaginable pain we are experiencing every moment of the day. The horrific and devastating loss of our parents, Rob and Michele Reiner, is something that no one should ever experience. They weren’t just our parents; they were our best friends. We are grateful for the outpouring of condolences, kindness, and support we have received not only from family and friends but people from all walks of life. We now ask for respect and privacy, for speculation to be tempered with compassion and humanity, and for our parents to be remembered for the incredible lives they lived and the love they gave.”

Beautiful. Wise. True. Speculation tempered with compassion and humanity. I love that concept, and I love Jake and Romy. May we remember their parents for the incredible lives they lived and the love they gave.

My friends, we are all here to live incredible lives. Deeply meaningful lives. We are all here to give love and receive love. We are all here to be advocates for those who struggle, and when we are struggling, we need advocates for ourselves. To that end, I want to thank the many people who reached out to me this past week to check in on me, including those I didn’t know personally. The love, tenderness, and understanding helped me feel less alone. Thank you.

My year started with the LA fires and evacuating my home. It ends with me feeling so blessed to be back in my home. I know so many are still displaced. I know so many across our great country are struggling in so many different ways. My heart goes out to you and to them, and my hope is that life in the new year will get better. I hope that our individual and collective pain will ease.

I thought quite a bit this past week about my uncle President John F. Kennedy. I thought about his spirit and his legacy. I also thought about his daughter Caroline, who has worked so hard to keep her father’s legacy alive. My friend Steve sent me a copy of the speech my uncle didn’t get to give on the last day of his life. As I read it, I found the words to be so fitting for today. But this time, this dream is even bigger. And it’s bigger than a name on a building. It’s an invitation to us all to rise up and meet the moment.

“This country is moving and it must not stop. It cannot stop. For this is a time for courage and a time for challenge. Neither conformity nor complacency will do. Neither the fanatics nor the faint-hearted are needed. And our duty as a party is not to our party alone, but to the Nation, and, indeed, to all mankind. Our duty is not merely the preservation of political power but the preservation of peace and freedom. So let us not be petty when our cause is so great. Let us not quarrel amongst ourselves when our Nation’s future is at stake. Let us stand together with renewed confidence in our cause, united in our heritage of the past and our hopes for the future, and determined that this land we love shall lead all mankind into new frontiers of peace and abundance.”

Amen. My uncle may not have been able to give that speech, but we are still able to answer his call.

Remember, it’s our light that people remember. It is our light that brings hope. Using that light allows us to feel needed and illuminates the path forward for ourselves and others. And our shining lights are so needed at this moment in time.

May God bless you all during this holy season. May you hold those you love dearly and tightly. May you make time to be with those you care about. May you tell them so. And may you head into a new year believing in yourself, your power, your light, and your country.

And remember, at the end of the day, we are all family. God bless you all, and may your holidays be safe, healthy, and light.