Amy Griffin Faced Her Darkest Secret—and Discovered Life-Changing Healing and Hope
This is the second article in a 4-part series exploring heartbreak, healing, and the lessons we can all learn from life’s transitions, triumphs, and setbacks. The series will dive deep into how we grow through it all, leading up to our special coverage of Maria Shriver’s new book, I Am Maria, which you can preorder HERE.
Amy Griffin had built a life of love and joy. She married her great love, grew a family, cultivated friendships, and created a successful career. It was all beautiful, yet deep down, Griffin was struggling—and didn't know why. For decades, she faced a feeling of disconnection and pain, "but I kept ignoring it and just kept pushing through as we do as women in so many areas in our life," she tells us.
In her new memoir, The Tell, Griffin shares how she faced her past to discover what happened to her and, ultimately, find herself. Written with unparalleled courage and brilliance, the book is a poignant exploration of being human. It sheds light on the secrets we hold from ourselves, often unknowingly, and how letting them go can pave a road home to ourselves.
Because as Griffin says, we may think our secrets keep us safe, but they really keep us stuck. "There's so much power in facing whatever it is in your life that is holding you back."
A CONVERSATION WITH AMY GRIFFIN
You started to become aware there was something wrong, writing that it was "something unexplainable, something deep, but something that I couldn't touch." How did you begin to listen to this?
I think my body had been trying to tell me something for a long time. I knew something was off—but I kept ignoring it and just kept pushing through as we do as women in so many areas in our life. We all carry so much at all times. My daughters came to me and said they felt like they didn't know me, which was a wake up call in many ways. My daughters were holding up a mirror, showing me what I had been avoiding and what I was missing in trying to keep my secret. It was time to stop, to listen to my body, and face what I had been pushing aside.
What do you say to someone who may be struggling with a secret but is too scared to look at it?
We tell ourselves that secrets keep us safe, but really, they keep us stuck. There's so much power in facing whatever it is in your life that is holding you back. This journey of telling has given me more freedom, compassion, and a deeper connection with those in my life. I share my secrets, but the book is about how I processed those secrets to live a more honest life. I now try to accept all parts of me, even the parts that like to be in control. The parts of me that want to write the perfect thank you note, to be the perfect mother, and to find the perfect shade of lipstick. I let it all go!
I hope the book inspires others to let go of trying to control and perfect life, remembering that the best dinner parties are those that have real conversations and spilled wine on the tablecloth. In sharing my story, I hope others will find the power and freedom that comes with sharing their truths.
Abuse, "a tangled mess of shame and silence," as you describe, is unfortunately so common, but we still don't talk about it enough. How can we better support each other and create a world where it's safer to look at the traumas we've endured?
There is something so liberating about not judging others and realizing that we never truly know what is happening in someone else's life. Assuming best intent is such a beautiful thing, and it could just be that, in the instance it is a woman, there is a one in three chance that she has a story to tell.
When we make space to listen with empathy and openness, we give others the space to share their truth. I've found that honesty creates an opportunity to break the cycle of abuse and help ensure the cycle isn't repeated.
Now that your book is coming out, what do you hope it shows readers?
I imagine this book sitting on the nightstand of a reader and hope that five years after it has come out, that person will turn on their bed light and read a passage somewhere in the book that will inspire them—inspire them to then tell that one person in their life who they know can listen, to look them in the eye and hold whatever it is that needs to be told. And when they do share, I hope they will realize they can leave the light on as it never has to dim. That they can live with what happened to them, not from it.
What have you learned about yourself from staring down your secret and running toward your truth?
I wrote this book first for myself, in my closet and on the bathroom floor, not knowing anyone would ever see my words. I wasn't sure that I could live with the truth. I learned that writing this book saved my life as it started the process of my truth-telling and helped me come to understand what freedom truly feels like. I also realized how much I need the people in my life on the other end of my telling. It was because they were there to listen that I felt heard, seen, and believed.
Amy Griffin is the founder of the investment firm G9 Ventures. She lives in New York City with her husband, John, and their four children. Learn more at thetellbook.com.
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