Who

Diego Perez is a meditator and #1 New York Times bestselling author who is widely known by his pen name, Yung Pueblo.

What

In How to Love Better, Diego’s insights on embracing change, building a foundation of honesty, and learning to listen selflessly will resonate regardless of where you are in your healing journey.

Why

Diego says he wrote How to Love Better because “I saw that that same emotional skill set that I was building to help myself—the awareness, the non reaction, the compassion—was creating a renaissance in my relationships. So I knew I had to write about it, and I'm hoping the book serves people well.”

& We

…chose How to Love Better because while so many search for love, we have difficulty allowing ourselves to feel worthy of it—this book is a guide to growing through that. Enjoy!

Here’s Your Exclusive Excerpt

Relationships that are nourishing 
don’t just happen without any work.

You have to design a culture that takes 
into account your separate emotional 
histories, your needs, your communication 
styles, your goals, and more.

Being open about the way you 
want to be loved sets your 
partner up for success.

HOW TO LOVE BETTER

Everyone enters relationships with a multitude of imperfections. Depending on the person and their emotional history, there can be a wide range of internal matters that are unresolved: hurt from the past, negative behavior patterns, unrealistic expectations, fears—there are so many things that can form blockages in the flow of love and make it more difficult for us to connect deeply.

Since ego is so predominant in daily life, it will naturally and consistently impede the selflessness, kindness, and patience needed to support the harmony of a relationship. Attachment and the craving to control, which are intertwined with ego, also stand as roadblocks that each individual has to gradually undo if they want to enjoy a peaceful and fulfilling connection.

In many ways, a relationship is an opportunity to learn how to love better. When we accept this framework, it becomes easier to use the lessons that arise to transform our behavior, for our own benefit and for the benefit of our partner. Even though love comes with its challenges, the depth of the connection creates an immediate incentive to try to work on ourselves so that we can treat our partners better and give the relationship a better chance to thrive.

Nine Strategies That Can Help You Love Better

1

When both of you take your healing seriously, the relationship wins. You both carry baggage from the past. Even if you haven’t experienced deep trauma, there are still tendencies and patterns that have developed over time because the way you react accumulates in the mind. Through learning how to let go, you can stop past unproductive patterns from taking over. Developing your self-love is the necessary foundation that will support all relationships in your life. It is not selfish to learn what you need to do to take care of yourself and consistently put it into action so you can show up as the best version of yourself. Remember, you and your partner may need different healing tools, but make sure that you are using something that is genuinely making you more self-aware and mentally lighter. Meditation and therapy have helped millions of people. Find what works for you.

2

Enter the relationship knowing that you will have to grow to make it work. Embracing your imperfections is a superpower that opens the door to personal evolution. Partnerships can be a potent catalyst for growth when you accept the challenge. As soon as the connection begins, start reflecting on your major past patterns and think about what you can do differently this time to create a thriving environment between you and your partner.

3

Everything is not always their fault. Tension can easily twist your reasoning and make you place all the blame on your partner whenever conflict arises. Sometimes they are going to make mistakes and will apologize to you, but there will also be times when you make mistakes and need to apologize. Being able to recognize and own the fact that you started a fight is a big sign of inner strength. When both people can check themselves and try to find the real root of their tension, it helps decrease the intensity of an argument.

4

In the midst of an argument, remember that this is the person you love, and they are not your enemy. Your past can cloud your perception and make you become hyper defensive. Learn how to pull yourself out of survival mode. Being able to ground yourself can help you let go of anger and move from having an argument to simply hearing each other’s side of the story so you can find a healthy middle ground. Reframe your idea of an argument from a battle to an opportunity that helps you understand each other better

5

If you both focus on giving, you will each receive more. This one only works if both people are truly committed to taking care of their partner in multiple ways. Only with open hands can you give and receive; love is an active expression of this sentiment. The way you give to each other may not always look the same because each individual has different strengths and preferences.

6

Move with honesty and gentleness. The truth, even when it is hard to give or receive, will ultimately bring you closer together. Lies and withheld truths create blockages in your connection. Truth should be delivered in a compassionate and skillful manner. Speaking to each other with gentleness, even when you are in a tense moment, will help keep you both levelheaded.

7

Ask each other “How can I love you better?” and act on it. It is helpful to get new information from your partner directly because, just like you, they are an ever-changing being. Their preferences will slowly shift over time and knowing them can help you better offer support as they move through their ups and downs. Relationships go through seasons, so it’s good to check in regularly.

8

View each other as best friends; this will help with deep and enjoyable communication. Try not to fall into the stagnancy of speaking only about mundane topics, like your jobs and taking care of errands—these are obviously important but there is so much more to explore together. Keep learning about each other by having discussions about your beliefs, examining how your past has impacted your present, what’s going on in the world, how you each think the universe works, your future goals, the directions you’d like to grow in, and what-ever else is enriching and enlivening to talk about.

9

Do not try to control each other. Love will always be about freedom. Healthy relationships will keep the feeling of freedom vibrant. Of course, you will design your life together and voluntarily commit to each other in ways that feel good to both of you, but neither partner should ever feel coerced or like they don’t have a say in how they live their life. Ultimately, you are two individuals who are creating a home together, but you both still have your own lives to tend to. You are two streams that have chosen to flow together side by side. Loving each other better is about supporting each other’s happiness.

Excerpted from HOW TO LOVE BETTER by Yung Pueblo. Copyright © 2025 by Diego Perez Lacera. Used by permission of Harmony, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC, New York. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

Audio excerpted courtesy of Penguin Random House Audio from How to Love Better: The Path to Deeper Connection Through Growth, Kindness, and Compassion by Yung Pueblo, read by Yung Pueblo. © 2025 Yung Pueblo, ℗ 2025 Penguin Random House, LLC. All rights reserved.