Brighter Days: Matt Jacobi-Caprio Looks to These 7 Tips for Managing Hurt Emotions and Moving Forward with Strength
I wish our country handled treatment for emotional abuse and trauma better. Think of all the veterans who have experienced extreme PTSD. Think of anyone in your life who has been emotionally abused or has experienced trauma where their minds were affected. Anyone who has gone through emotional abuse knows that the road to healing is complicated. Words sting, and so does any form of mistreatment, criticism, humiliation, isolation, gaslighting, and actions to degrade another person. You just don’t “get over” emotional trauma, even when life gets better and forgiveness is presented. It is an ongoing process of managing the hurt and moving forward.
What makes it even more difficult is that there can be everyday situations that may remind you of the pain you went through. I will be the first to tell you that I have lived a colorful life where so many of my wildest dreams have come true. I know how lucky I am. But life has not always been easy. I experienced deep pain like so many of you. I share this because I am familiar with how pain works, and it can still linger or pop back up even during the happiest moments. How many of you are waiting for something bad to happen, for someone to betray you, put you down, or for a good day to be unexpectedly ruined? Those thoughts are valid because those things did happen at some point in your life. Maybe even continuously over a period of time. Your mind has a way of remembering and retreating back to those feelings.
The word “triggered” is now being used more than ever when it comes to mental health, but that is the perfect description of when reminders and feelings of emotional pain begin to creep back in. I get irritated when people use the “T” word casually because it really helps people who have gone through trauma identify what is going on in the moment.
Emotional trauma is deeply layered, but I believe healing can be done. Here are some helpful tips that I hope will comfort anyone going through pain. Everyone copes differently, but my hope is that this serves as a signal to direct you back to a safe landing.
Understanding Brings Connection
The feeling of being understood is a gift. A unique synergy happens when you find out that someone new you meet has gone through similar situations, too. You don’t feel like you have to explain yourself as much, and you can totally appreciate their own journey and mental survival. I believe everyone needs a friend, and there are people out there who need a friend just like you. We are not meant to live in this world alone. Loneliness in this country is a pandemic all on its own that has been going on for a long time. Connecting with people who have gone through life experiences like yourself is a great way to bond. New friendships can often help you see different perspectives. The key is to let people into your life that you have learned to trust over time and don’t feel any sense of judgment from them. I want you to check in on your friends or family members that go quiet. A simple “how are you?” or “I am thinking of you” goes a long way.
Forgiveness Comes In Time
You can forgive people from afar and even love them from a distance. Forgiveness can take a while and may come in different forms, but there can be a path to healing when healthy boundaries are set, and the intent to move forward is clear. We also all know the quote, “hurt people, hurt people.” It does not take away from your experience, but it can bring some understanding. And, when we have understanding, that can lead to even more healing.
Support Is One Of The Strongest Steps
Therapy can be one of the biggest blessings. Even just the acknowledgment of your trauma or abuse from a professional can be extremely helpful. Don’t give up if your first attempt at talking to a therapist does not work well in the beginning. I know it can be a struggle to gain the energy to even want to go speak with someone (oh, and pay, too!). But, when you find the right therapist, it can be one of the best steps in conquering your pain. Support groups at church or even talking with a pastor is a good way to find someone who listens and shows compassion. Getting involved in an activity where there is interaction is another way to have a safe space of belonging. That will lead to building trust again.
Find An End To The Chaos
Emotional pain can often be connected to generational trauma, which is a super complex situation to break. You may feel isolated at times during the process, but a big part has to do with stopping patterns and preventing unnecessary outside noise from happening. When you go away to college, get married, have a family, or simply begin your own life, you get to craft what that looks like and what works best. Having distance can be taken personally, but it can help you build your own identity away from the trauma and create new traditions and experiences for you to cherish.
Take Your Time With Trust
Take your time opening up. You can take small steps in different social situations to learn to trust again. There are more great people in this world than bad ones, so when others prove they are genuine—believe them! I can also tell you that trusting God is a big healing factor. God works in different ways, and trusting him is like trusting that your life will work out and be filled with consistent happiness.
Be Kind To Yourself
After going through emotional trauma, some people try their hardest to live a perfect life. It is almost like a reaction to not showing defeat, or it helps drown out the thoughts of what happened. If you live and think that way, I want you to rid yourself of that perfect image. There is no such thing as a perfect life. Constantly trying to live up to that expectation is draining. You need to be honest with your emotions and allow yourself to be human. Give yourself some grace. You are loved no matter what.
You Gotta Have Faith
I am a proud believer in faith. I’ve seen blessings happen. That changes a person. Keep your prayers up, as blessings will be brought down. Having a relationship with God is most important, but if you can join a church or a place of worship, you are already one step closer to connecting with people and building a community. You are not alone. Those pillars of support will help you heal and trust again.
Everyone has gone through something. Pain is pain. Your personal journey to healing is on your terms, but know it will take time and effort. I am sorry that there has been hurt in your life. You did not deserve that. That should have never happened to you. I hope that you always feel love around you and more consistent days of peace are within your thoughts.
Matt Jacobi-Caprio is a writer, advocate, and voice of truth. His early career began in TV at ABC News in Phoenix. He later worked at E! News, and he continued his on-camera career as a TV personality, starring in two reality shows. Today, he is a Chief Operating Officer for an award-winning creative agency. Jacobi-Caprio and his husband, Nick created the first Barbie same-sex wedding set. Learn more at mattjacobicaprio.com.
