Your Kids Are Raising Their Kids Differently. Here’s What to Change—and What Not to Worry About
Your kids are grown. Now there are grandchildren to love—and a whole new set of rules to learn.
It’s been a few decades since you raised young children, and some recommendations have changed. Maybe your adult kids have arrived with new rules about sleep and feeding—or announced that the soap, sunscreen, sippy cups, and cleaning products you’ve used for years are suddenly “toxic.”
So what actually matters?
We asked three leading pediatric experts to help us separate the important safety updates from the nice-to-have upgrades—and the things grandparents really don’t need to lose sleep over.
Andrew Adesman, MD, is chief of developmental and behavioral pediatrics at Cohen Children’s Medical Center, author of Baby Facts: The Truth About Your Child’s Health from Newborn Through Preschool, and a leading authority on parenting myths and grandparent caregivers.
Ari Brown, MD, is a veteran pediatrician, author of the popular 411 parenting book series, including Baby 411, and a new grandparent herself.
Allison Guimera, MD, is a board-certified pediatrician and lead physician at UCLA Porter Ranch Pediatrics who has spoken to grandparents about navigating updated health and safety recommendations the “second time around.”
You Weren’t Doing It Wrong. The Science Just Changed.
Updated advice isn’t an indictment of how you raised your children. It means our understanding of kids—and what keeps them safest—has evolved.
“Babies haven't changed in the past 30 or 40 years, but what we've learned about them has,” Dr. Ari Brown says.
That perspective can help when parents and grandparents find themselves at odds.
“This is incredibly common, and I want to validate both sides,” Dr. Andrew Adesman says. “Parents today are navigating an overwhelming volume of information—some of it contradictory—and they're doing their best to protect their children. Grandparents, meanwhile, raised children who turned out fine and understandably feel stung when handed a list of ‘don'ts.’”
Their advice? Parents should prioritize the safety updates that really matter rather than delivering a 40-item checklist. Grandparents, meanwhile, can try to hear those requests as concern for the child rather than criticism of how they parented.
Not Everything on Instagram Is a Safety Rule
There’s also an overwhelming amount of parenting advice online, where evidence-based recommendations can get mixed together with lifestyle preferences and wellness trends.
“There is a lot in social media that kind of overhypes a lot of things,” Dr. Allison Guimera says. She cautions people to be particularly skeptical of sweeping “always” and “never” claims, especially when the person making them is also selling something.
For reliable guidance, all three experts point parents and grandparents to the American Academy of Pediatrics’ HealthyChildren.org. Dr. Adesman also recommends the Consumer Product Safety Commission for recalls and product safety, and, of course, the child’s pediatrician.
When childproofing your home, Dr. Adesman offers a simple way to prioritize: Think about what a child could swallow, inhale, choke on, pull down, climb into, or be burned by. “Those are the risks most likely to matter in real life,” he says.
One rule that applies across the board: When possible, stick close to your grandchild’s routine at home and respect their parents’ preferences. Consistency can make things easier for everyone—and you don’t have to agree with every parenting choice to honor it. Within reason, think of the parents’ routine as your starting point, then save Grandma and Grandpa’s special rules for the things that don’t affect health or safety.
With that in mind, here’s where to put your attention.
Food and Feeding
WHAT MATTERS MOST
Some of the biggest changes involve what babies should—and shouldn’t—eat. Rather than delaying highly allergenic foods, experts now recommend introducing foods such as peanuts and eggs as early as four to six months, when developmentally appropriate, to reduce the risk of developing food allergies.
One old rule still stands: Never give honey to a baby under age one, because of the risk of infant botulism.
WORTH DOING
Introduce babies to a variety of tastes, textures, flavors, and seasonings. Dr. Brown calls it “fearless feeding”: Early variety may help children develop a broader palate and reduce pickiness later.
WHAT’S NEXT LEVEL
vConcerned about heavy metals in commercial baby food? Vary the brands you buy or prepare some foods at home. Families who choose to breastfeed longer can also consider World Health Organization guidance supporting breastfeeding up to age two.
Safe Sleep
WHAT MATTERS MOST
This is one area where grandparents really do need to update old habits. Babies should be placed on their backs to sleep for the first year, on a firm, flat surface in a crib, bassinet, or play yard. Keep it bare: no pillows, loose blankets, crib bumpers, or stuffed animals.
WORTH DOING
Room-share without bed-sharing: Keep the baby close while providing a separate, safe sleep surface.
WHAT’S NEXT LEVEL
Our experts say that bedtime routines and “wake windows” can be useful tools, but they aren’t safety imperatives. Consumer heart-rate and oxygen monitors also aren't necessary for healthy babies unless medically indicated.
Cleaners and Other Household Hazards
WHAT MATTERS MOST
Before worrying about whether a cleaner is “natural,” worry about whether a child can reach it. Keep cleaning supplies and medications inaccessible—including medications tucked inside purses and bags. Dr. Guimera says one of the scenarios she hears about most often involves a child getting into a grandparent’s purse left on the floor or a chair.
“Really making sure that those things are not accessible to small hands,” she says, is what matters most.
Some familiar products deserve a second look, too. Retire the talcum powder: Dr. Adesman says inhaling it can pose respiratory risks.
And save Poison Control’s number—1-800-222-1222—in your phone.
WORTH DOING
Consider skipping detergent pods, which can be particularly enticing to young children.
WHAT’S NEXT LEVEL
Want to reduce fragrances or certain chemical exposures? Switch to unscented or naturally based cleaners as you use up what you already have. No need to purge the cabinet.
“Occasional use of standard household cleaning products, mainstream sunscreens, or regular bath products does not pose a meaningful risk for a visiting child,” Dr. Adesman says.
Sunscreen and Personal Care
WHAT MATTERS MOST
Protect kids from the sun. Don’t let concern about sunscreen ingredients get in the way of preventing sunburn. Use sunscreen when appropriate, along with shade, hats, and protective clothing. The priority is effective sun protection—not finding the “perfect” product.
WORTH DOING
When buying sunscreen, consider mineral formulas containing zinc oxide or titanium dioxide.
WHAT’S NEXT LEVEL
Families particularly concerned about allergies may choose to avoid food-based skin products, such as creams containing peanut oil, because of concern about sensitization through the skin.
But keep the risk in perspective. Constantly worrying, “Is this toxic to my baby?” Dr. Guimera says, isn’t a particularly helpful approach.
Toys and Plastics
WHAT MATTERS MOST
Grandma’s closet may contain some wonderful toys—but inspect them first. Look for loose or small parts that could pose a choking hazard and discard toys with cracking or chipping old paint because of potential lead exposure. Retire toys that are broken or badly deteriorated, particularly if they’ll end up in a baby’s mouth.
WORTH DOING
Consider replacing well-used older toys with versions that meet current safety and material standards. Older plastics deserve a second look, too, since they may predate restrictions on some chemicals.
WHAT’S NEXT LEVEL
Buying new? You can reduce plastic exposure by choosing alternatives such as unfinished wood, cotton, or silicone when practical.
In the Kitchen
WHAT MATTERS MOST
One easy rule: Don’t heat children’s food or drinks in plastic. Heat can increase the migration of chemicals from plastic into food.
WORTH DOING
When convenient, serve food and drinks in glass, stainless steel, or other nonplastic alternatives.
WHAT’S NEXT LEVEL
If you want to go further, gradually replace plastic food-storage containers or reduce foods packaged in plastic. You don’t need to overhaul the entire kitchen before the grandkids arrive.
One Safety Issue Not to Overlook
Some household risks deserve more attention than others. If there are firearms in the home, safe storage is essential: Keep guns unloaded and locked, with ammunition secured separately.
One More Thing That Matters for Kids’ Health: Your Attention
With all the worry about whether you have the right food, toys, dishes, and products, one of the most valuable things grandparents can give costs nothing: their attention.
“We're our best role models for kids,” Dr. Brown says. “When you do get that opportunity to be with your grandkids, be present and turn off your own screens.”
“I think that grandparents, the greatest gift that they can give to their grandkids is their time and their love,” Dr. Guimera says. They shouldn’t feel guilty about not always “doing it the right way.”
Dr. Adesman goes one step further: “You are not going to ruin your grandchild by being a grandparent. A child who eats a cookie at Grandma's house, stays up 30 minutes past bedtime, watches an extra cartoon, or drinks juice with dinner is going to be absolutely fine.”
Dr. Brown’s advice is to keep learning—and keep some perspective.
“We're all on this journey together,” she says, “and respecting that we're learning from each other.”
Want to Learn More?
The Grandfamily Guidebook by Andrew Adesman, MD, and Christine Adamec—A practical guide for grandparents who are raising grandchildren, covering health and education, family dynamics, legal issues, and more.
Baby 411 by Ari Brown, MD, and Denise Fields—An evidence-based guide to baby health, development, feeding, sleep, safety, and everyday care.
Also from The Sunday Paper: Our recent story, “The Powerful Case for Connecting Across Generations,” explores new research finding that older adults who interact with children—whether they’re grandchildren or not—live longer. It also looks at how these relationships can bring purpose and connection at every age.
We’d love to hear from you: What has surprised you most about how parenting has changed across generations? What have you learned from younger generations—and what do you hope they’ve learned from you? Share your experience in the comments below.
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